5 ways to move on

I haven’t been the best at moving on.

I was with my ex-boyfriend for nearly six years. It was hard to leave, even when I knew it was the right thing, the thing that God had been calling me to do for a long time.
I’m still hurting, still lonely, still clawing my own heart out, and I want to share more personal things on this blog, but while the pain is so fresh and new, I just wanted to post this list.
These are five things that have somewhat, kind of, barely, a little bit helped me “move on.”

1. “Jesus, I trust in you.”

     One of my first nights alone, I was washing some dishes and I started crying. I remember just nearly-kneeling (my knees were bent, and my head was down and my hand was holding on to the counter), and just saying “Jesus, I trust in you, Jesus, I trust in you, Jesus, I trust in you.”
     There’s something calming about the repetition, something calming about Christ holding my hand, something calming about being able to trust someone.

2. Fill your life with people and experiences.

     Not food! Not things! This is not the time to eat yourself into a food coma or drain your savings.
     If you do that, you’re only going to feel worse about yourself.
     Things (or food) can not bring you happiness. Remind yourself of that.
     Instead, invite your friends over for game night or drinks or coffee. Go for walks. Start a 10K running program (this is what I did).
     Set a goal of something, anything.
     Go on a road trip. Just a few miles. To a lake or a hiking path. Go somewhere.
     These don’t have to be new experiences. You just have to go and do without the other person that used to be in every part of your life.

3. Go to Mass!

     Mass will bring you peace. Enjoy it.
     Talk to people while you’re there. Sing the songs. Hold hands, if your parish does that during the Our Father.
     Smile at everyone. “Fake it until you make it,” in the happiness department.
     If you can go to daily Mass, do it. There is something great about a pious, beautiful quiet Mass during the week. It’s a refresher.
     Better yet, spend some  time in Adoration. Bring your Bible. Bring your Rosary. Talk to God about your pain.
     He cares. “Cast your burden upon the Lord, and he will sustain you. He will Never allow the righteous to be shaken.” -Psalms 55:22

4. Avoid thinking about the break up and trying to figure out what went wrong.

     In my case, I sort of knew the break up was coming. I was growing more and more orthodox in my beliefs, and I wasn’t communicating that. My Ex-boyfriend wasn’t talking to me about his goals, either. My heart of hearts knew.
     After the break up, I tried to figure out, for a while, how I could have changed things.
     But no, it isn’t going to help. We weren’t meant to be together, and that’s OK. I learned a lot, I loved a lot, and it hurts a lot.
     Pain and sacrifice are a part of life. I know that God will provide.
     It doesn’t make sense to dwell on the past. As soon as you can, start planning something for the future, something to look forward to.

5. Don’t jump back into the dating game.

     Again, I did this wrong. I signed up for a free online dating site and started talking to two guys.
     What a mistake. MISTAKE.
     I wasn’t ready. My heart is still hurting. My soul is still healing. My head is still reeling. It’s not the time to try to find someone else.
     It may never be the time.
     I don’t have a magic formula for when is the right time to start looking. My mom, my friends, everyone, says you’ll find someone when you aren’t expecting.
     Except, when you think your vocation is married life, you are always expecting. (Right?)
     So take some time to be yourself, by yourself. Take some time with the Lord, as often as you can, and just enjoy life.
     It isn’t too late, regardless of how old you are. Honestly. It’s not to late. God has a plan. God knows. Just trust in his ways.
Just some things to think about while you’re in pain.
God bless!

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